Former model Tara, Biggest Loser green team member, who gained all of her excess weight in less than two years and has all the classic signs of eating disorders, up to and including the ability to puke on command (and she has the teeth to prove it). She’s obsessive, compulsive, whiny and definitely in need of help, but not for losing weight. She knows exactly how to lose it, and came into the game with the best “foundation” of the bunch. And she wins everything.
The draw to competitions is to have someone to root for. If Tara’s in a competition, rooting is a waste of time. Biggest Loser challenges are now synonymous with commercial break. It’s the point when DVRs start forwarding and people watching live start heading to the kitchen. Good job! A show about weight loss that inspires an additional Dorito run. The cure? For this year, it would be Tara’s eventual eviction. Long term? Enough with the ringers. We don’t believe it. We don’t care about them. We like them even less than we would based solely on their personality. So dear reality shows, enough with the ringers. They’re bad enough they actually make us root, temporarily and with noses held, for Felipe. Even though we know it’s pointless.
It’s like breaking up with someone. There’s this nagging reminder a the back of your mind that you’re supposed to call them, and then you pick up the phone, maybe even start to dial the number, and realize, that’s not what you’re supposed to do anymore. Or, you could be all total psycho stalker, ring through until they pick up or get voice mail, breathe for a while, then hang up. Whichever.
I wanted to turn on Drag Race, but, it’s over. Yes, there will be a new season eventually, and yes, we will get a whole new set of racers to love and/or loathe, but in the spirit of Veruca Salt (circa 1971, not the band or the creepy remake), I WANT IT NOW!
So instead, I have to settle for being a creepy internet stalker,letting the phone ring and hanging up. Maybe not that bad. Anyway, here for my fellow addicts facing severe withdrawl, are some highlights (and lowlights) of our girls to get us through.
1) My favorite Nina video of all those out there online:
A few days ago, someone left a message asking if I had appearance info for Nina, and sorry to say, I don’t live in Denver and don’t know her personally, but I did poke around a bit with some Google Fu. Anyone who’ll be near Denver soon, can stop in at Tracks and see Nina, aka DJ Flowers. WARNING – that link is rather loud.
3) Ongina sings. She shouldn’t ever, ever, ever do that again, either:
5) It wouldn’t be right not to include Bebe, especially when this is the perfect example of why she won:
6) Bebe Zahara Benet on MySpace, and I’ve heard rumor of a private facebook page where it was leaked that she was the winner before the finale. but for now here’s bebezaharabenet.com and her facebook fan page, which is really the more courteous place to stalk anway.
And now, for the not so glamourous…
A “tribute” to Ms Glasscock, as mentioned over at the WOW report (see blog list for link). No, that’s not really her, but it’s far more sincere than the real thing. As the complement to Ms. Bebe up there, here’s more proof of why Rebecca lost:
Only Rebecca could make Carrie Underwood look like a whore.
And then there’s Shannel. I know, a lot of people love Shannel, wig ripping and all.
This is where she shines – on stage, in character, not “being Shannel”
Audio is rough on that one, but there’s a real shortage of Shannel out there
Even Tammie has better quality video
And finally, to make our virtual Drag Race complete, we have to hear that song, just One More Time complete this time with Bebe’s rap and the final 3.
Season 2 is officially a go. Entertainment Weekly has announced that RuPaul’s Drag Race brought LOGO unprecedented web traffic. According to the article, auditions will open May 1st. If you’re wondering what they are (and aren’t) looking for, take a peek at RuPaul’s Drag Race Casting.com, were EW implies the new round of casting updates should appear soonish.
My wishlist:
Appearances either as judges or popping into the workroom:
Chris March – they can give Santino a night off and bring him in
Victoria “Porkchop” Parker – while I get why she was eliminated first, she definitely has a lot of experience she could’ve shared with the newbies (yeah, you, Ms. Glassstickupherbutt)
That’s not to say I don’t want to see Nina or Bebe, it’s just that I assume they will both be there at some point by virtue of being the winner and fan favorite.
Karma was pulling for us. Mr. “I had the wrong color shirt” almost finally got his comeuppance.
Felipe basks in the glory of his Bob
But sadly, it was not meant to be. Felipe squeaked by on the backs of the blind, who voted out Aubrey instead of him. I have a feeling I know what his excuse will be next week, though. Kristen pulled Bob out and asked for some one on one work time, an idea that is quite obviously foreign to Felipe. Of course, this time Bob spent working with some girl is going to be the reason Felipe didn’t lose more. There’s always a girl to blame, it’s certainly never ever his fault.
I feel bad that my dislike for Felipe has spread to Sione, who, aside from being a follower, hasn’t been nearly as repulsive. So much so that I had a really hard time rooting for someone to win the immunity challenge. I have little use for Tara. She’s the quintessential fame whore. Everything is about her, and if someone else is getting too much focus, she’ll find a way to make it about her. See: Blaine and Dane leave the ranch. In this week’s challenge, she was so far marginalized by everyone penalizing her to a degree that exceeded the rest, it lent the appearance that she would be a non-factor in the second half of the challenge. At that point, the name Tara and challenge really had little to do with each other, as far as they knew. Of course, this means it’s time for Tara to get some cameras back on her. Full out tantrum, threats to quit – please, we could only be so lucky – storming out of rooms until someone begs her to stay. Ahh, there’s the addoration and attention she needed. She’s back in the game.
When the time came to pull a few race cars around the track, some with more weight added than others, it was a face off between Tara and Sione.
Tortoise vs hare? Heather vs Heather?
It was at this point I realized I had nobody to root for. I’m also not nearly as impressed by what Tara did, probably because I’ve watched a few episodes of World’s Strongest Man competitions at 3 AM.
Momentum was in her favor, it only took her a little longer to get going. I grudgingly rooted for Sione as the lesser of two evils, but to no avail. While it’s impressive that all of these people have gotten into good enough shape to pull a car, period, there are varying levels of fitness there, and even Ron could pull a car. It’s not like she pulled a double decker bus while they all pulled Yugos.
Also, about Tara’s target on her back, her “threat” days are numbered. She’s lost a lot, but she’s plateauing because she’s almost out of weight to lose. Even if she makes it to the final 3, she won’t have the numbers left to pull to get to a higher percentage than those who started at 300 and 400+. This was never more obvious than her over the top whining about Allison putting the target on her back in the beginning. Maybe she should consider that she’s a target not just because she’s lost so much, but because she’s really just that annoying to be around.
I’m so happy. I don’t care that Bebe won, as long as it wasn’t Rebecca, I was happy with Bebe or Nina. But even better, there’s a REUNION SHOW! Oh it’s beautiful. Ongina sharing the story of telling her mother about her HIV so she wouldn’t be blindsided by the show. And she made me cry again. I wish she’s stop doing that.
Added bonus – Rebecca gets the steamrolling she deserves, and Shannel admits her Kimberly Ripped Off Her Wig moment was staged. (Didn’t need to know how often she shaves her butt, though)
RuPaul's Final 2, Nina and Bebe deserved it so much
And the queen dragster was truly regal
The Next Drag Superstar
She didn’t F it up.
And lets not forget Miss Congeniality:
Miss Congeniality. If she couldn't win, at least there's this.
I voted for Ongina. But I know, Ongina will be fine, and I love Nina, too.
And the absolute best part of the entire evening, that little announcement Ru slipped in at the end – casting for season 2 will be announced soon. They better have James St. James on next season!
Felipe Fa. Arrogant. Mysogynist. Codependant. 15 year old trapped in a grown man’s body.
It's not his fault he ate those chicken strips!
I feel sorry for the man’s wife.
For those who missed it, tonight on The Biggest Loser, whineyass was on the team that won a “luxury” challenge, which, in TBL speak, really means a chance to totally screw up and blow your weigh in. While staying at a luxury resort they got mani/pedi’s, and massages, and ate over 15,000 calories worth of food. They also threw in a few tequila shots. Felipe even treated himself to a second dinner of chicken fingers and fries in the bar. What they didn’t do in that 24 hours was work out.
Needless to say, their trainer was displeased. Jillian read them all the riot act, for drinking, and smoking, and making complete asses of themselves. She called them out on being immature and asked them point blank, if they can’t control themselves for 24 hours, how do they expect to go the rest of their lives at home. This was too much for Felipe. He doesn’t do personal accountability. He went off, in a tantrum worse than any my son has ever thrown. And he’s 6.
After doing everything but throw himself on the floor kicking and screaming as he whined about how Jillian doesn’t love him enough and expects him to be an adult, he stormed off to see Bob, insisting he would “put her in her place.”
Oh no you did not you useless bastard. Who the hell does he think he is to put ANY woman “in her place” because she doesn’t bow down and serve him? How dare he accuse her of being out to get him when he is the one who chose to shove not one, but two dinners down his throat the night before? He blamed everything – he was wearing the wrong color shirt. He can’t trust her because she doesn’t give him personal attention every day, even if it takes attention away from everyone else on the team. And best of all. This was just hysterical. He had the balls to say that BOB never went off on anyone by screaming at them. He said BOB was always respectful and calm. Really?
He may not have been paying attention that day, but I find it impossible to believe that in all his weeks at the ranch, not one person ever decided to rehash this:
Sure, Bob is all sweetness and light, whatever you say you delusional schmuck.
But whatever, run back to Bob, train with him, even if it disrupts the workouts of the rest of the Blue team. Nobody matters but you. You are the only one that is a precious little snowflake, unable to thrive without the constant love, support and enabling attention of Bob Harper. You go with your bad self.
Never before has "Biggest Loser" been more appropriate
While it usually makes me sad to hear about how many contestants gain all the weight back after the show, you will be the first one I won’t feel for in the least. Not even Vicky can hold a candle to your vileness. Quite an achievement. Even sadder that at the start of the season the Fa cousins said they wanted to be an example to their people. Sorry, you are most decidedly an example any people could do without.
It took me a few days. As reality shows go, this was pure tragedy. Our dear, sweet, little Ongina has been sashay’d.
Ongina backstage while judges deliberate
I so wanted her to win this. I can only hope the MAC spokesmodel gig will give her a step up to do more. And there’s still a fan-favorite type award she can win. If you love Ongina, too, you can vote for her as Miss Congeniality over at LOGO. You can also see her exit interview here.
OK, I lied, I haven’t totally accepted it. Here’s my problem. Yes, Bebe can lipsync, and yes Bebe has some moves, but one move in particular seemed awfully damn contrived. In the tradition of Marcia Cross, she ripped off her wig.
And that would be cool, if Shannel hadn’t already played that move:
You can't take away Shannel's dignity
And done it one better by throwing the boobs down after:
Shannel learns to love herself
So by the time Bebe got around to throwing her own wig on the ground after Ongina took her hat off (something that is normally intended to be put on or off),
Looks like someone shot an Afghan Hound
it was old and tired, been there done that, and honestly, Shannel did it better.
Ok, I can get over the bitterness, eventually. It could’ve been worse, she could’ve been out lipsynced by Rebecca Needstoremovethebroomstick
For some scary reason, there are lots of people out there (or one VERY VERY obssessive person) constantly searching for more info on Beauty and the Geek. Since one of my early blogs mentioned the show in passing and included a cast picture, over half of the search term hits on my blog are due to some combination of Beauty and the Geek, alone or with a season number tacked on. We won’t go into how many hits come from the Wipeout picture I included in the same blog, featuring the big balls.
Beauty and the Geek went bye bye
Seriously people, there’s just not that much to know. Fox Reality posted in December that since CW cancelled it, MTV is kicking around the idea of a Q-list celebrity BatG, with shining stars of the caliber that you find making a career out of Real World Road Rules Challenge and playing buffet table to Ron Jeremy. MTV/VH1 has also been airing the old seasons. But that’s really all there is to know right now. The only thing you’ll find on their site about the show is a simple wanna be IMDB page listing, well, nothing. If there is going to be a 2009 season (or at this rate, 2010), you’re going to find it on MTV, and it’s a safe bet that at some point, there will be a cat fight, a sex scandal, and a drunken stupor because you’re going to find it on MTV.
If you’re just desperately seeking the old seasons online, they aren’t there anymore. At least, not anywhere legal. If they show up again, you’ll find them here. Everything ends up there eventually.
After winning the contest to be spokesmodel for a cosmetic line that donates all proceeds to HIV/AIDS research, Ongina outed herself as HIV positive. And it’s the most amazing yet heartbreaking thing that’s been on TV in a very long time.
Forget the contest, and forget the show, I hope this means MAC has found a new spokesmodel for years to come. They couldn’t find a better woman for the job.
Did she plan it? Part of me really wants to think she did.
This weekend on Solitary 3.0 the final 4 had a 2 part challenge. First they had to write words they’d previously memorized on a glass pane, backwards, so they would read correctly from the other side. Fearless #8, favored to win by quite a few people, started showing signs of breaking down early in the episode. That means it’s just possible that quitting was in the back of her mind when she wrote this:
Number 8 knocks herself into the endurance phase
From that point on, she had to spend the rest of the treatment with her face stuck to the glass at all times.
early in the endurance half
She was joining number 7, who’d flunked out of the memory portion twenty minutes earlier, leaving only RobRob in #4 still playing the word games. Once he joined another twenty or so minutes down the road, the rules changed a little, with Val requiring all 3 to have their tongues touching the glass at all times. It’s safe to say this was nobody’s most dignified moment, not that Solitary is known for bringing those out.
Hands off the glass
After an hour, all 3 contestant were still in the game, with the added challenge of no longer being allowed to touch their hands to the glass. And speaking of number 3, she had immunity, so she spent the treatment doing something altogether different with her mouth.
Aspiring what?
In the end, it was too much for number 8. After nearly two hours on glass, she finally gave up.
Number 8 admits defeat
We won’t know until next Saturday who wins, though the final three is already determined. As usual, it’s down to #4 and #7. While #4 has a time advantage – #7 has an extra 40 minutes on the glass ahead of him – they’re both still pretty beaten up by the last challenge. The one they did on their knees.
This show would be so much dirtier without pictures!
